


keep your heart open (I'll keep mine open, too)

by ryan1975



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Friends With Benefits, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Sex, Smut, joshler - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 21:49:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 5,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5643169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryan1975/pseuds/ryan1975
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>tyler is an asshole in this just fyi</p><p>it started out as a way to get off when they were on tour. friends with benefits, nothing more, right? well, at least for tyler. josh wants more. he also wants tyler to explain why they're still friends with benefits despite the fact that he has a girlfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've already written a lot of this and I don't know how often I'll update it but I have 17 chapters already written. I will say, however, that I'm putting a bit of a trigger warning on chapter 6, there's a scene where Tyler is an asshole and doesn't understand the word 'no' but it doesn't get very far so I'm not putting it in the tags because it's not a major part of the story. just keep that in mind, I suppose. let me know if this is any good and I'll keep posting, I'm pretty proud of it so far, though. ok I'll shut up now, enjoy!

"I love you."  
Josh doesn't mean to say it. But he does.  
Tyler looks over at him from where he lays on the left side of the bed, flushed and panting.  
He's beautiful like that, Josh thinks to himself.  
Tyler smiles and offers a chuckle.  
"Yeah, well... I love you too."  
Josh's heart skips a beat.  
"Just... Not like that." Tyler shrugs sadly, turning over so his back is to Josh.  
Josh sighs and buries his face in his hands.  
How'd he let it get this far?  
He knows it started when they agreed that since they were on tour, it was ok to get each other off every now and then. And he knows that at first, that's all it was.  
But now it was more for him, and he doesn't remember when it started being anything more than a handjob backstage or a quickie in the bathroom at a restaurant, but it was.  
And he was miserable.  
It seemed like the longer they did it, the more he noticed things like the way Tyler smiled, the way his eyes crinkled up when he laughed, the way he focused on every word Josh said to make him feel listened to. He was in love.  
But clearly, Tyler wasn't.  
"You're telling me you don't feel anything?" Josh asks quietly, chewing at the corner of his mouth.  
Tyler hesitates. "No. I'm not gay." He insists.  
Josh snorts before he's able to stop himself.  
"Sorry. It's just... Never mind."  
Tyler is silent.  
"But I do love you."  
"Okay, cool." Tyler snaps.  
Josh stares at Tyler's back for a minute before he turns away onto his right side and tries to fall asleep.  
He doesn't know that Tyler stares at the wall for another hour before he falls asleep, thinking about Josh.  
He loves Josh, too.  
He's pretty fucking gay, actually.  
But the truth is, he's a coward.  
Scared to admit that he thinks Josh is beautiful, that he'd kill to hold his hand more often, that waking up next to him every morning made him happy.  
He shuts his thoughts up by reminding himself that friends with benefits is ok, and that no one can know, and that's how it has to be.  
And then he falls asleep, stuck on how it felt being that close to Josh.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is short and I just posted a chapter but idc I'm impatient and I'm posting the whole thing tonight sorry

Josh isn't sure what he expects to see when he opens the door, but he knows it wasn't this.  
Sitting in the hotel room on the edge of the bed they just fucked in was Tyler.  
And a girl.  
And they were making out like there was no tomorrow.  
Tyler has his lips on her neck right where Josh likes it, but it's her eyes fluttering shut, not his.  
Josh cleared his throat, closed the door and set down his bags.  
Tyler pulled away and offered a grin.   
"I brought food." Josh announces bluntly.  
Silence fills the air, thick and heavy, smothering Josh, until he mumbles "Wh-who's this?"  
Tyler smiles. "This is Jenna, my girlfriend."  
Josh feels sick.  
"I guess I'll get a new room, then. I'll see you at the show tonight." Josh smiles weakly, leaving.  
He isn't sure where the tears come from, but suddenly they're streaming down his face as he walks downstairs to get a new room for himself.  
He doesn't want to see Tyler right now.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rated S for Sin™

It's 1 am in Josh's hotel room when he hears the knock at the door.  
He opens it and Tyler attaches his lips to Josh's in a swift movement, stepping inside and shutting the door behind them. Josh fumbles for the lock behind Tyler and leans closer to him, letting him take control.  
He knows exactly what he likes. The exact places to press his fingers, exactly where to kiss, how fast to go, everything Josh needs.   
Josh shudders as Tyler's hands crawl under his shirt and pull it up over his head, taking his own off next.  
He takes the opportunity to let himself say what he's thinking as Tyler places his forehead on Josh's shoulder and starts tracing feather-light touches down his chest.  
"This is cheating, isn't it?"   
Tyler's hands curl into fists that drop down to Josh's hips and unfold, pulling him closer.  
"I guess." Tyler whispers, sliding his thumbs between Josh's jeans and the waistband of his boxers.  
Josh tenses.  
"Why are you doing this, then?" he asks softly, too far gone as Tyler crouches down and slides his jeans off of him, taking his own off afterwards.  
"Because it's just the way it is." He shrugs.  
Before Josh can think of what to say, tyler's lips are back on his and he can't say anything, anyways. Not that he can even remember what he was gonna say.  
He's not thinking about anything for the rest of their time together except for how good Tyler feels inside him, how Tyler's low dirty talking is making him feel, how there's sparks of pleasure jolting through his body and he doesn't want it to stop.  
Tyler knows every button to push, and Josh lets him push.  
Even though he knows it's coming, he isn't prepared for it when Tyler leaves afterwards and goes back to his hotel room.   
"Thanks, Josh. I'll see you tomorrow?"  
He says as he leaves, offering a small smile.  
Josh is laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling as he grimaces and nods.  
"See you tomorrow, man."   
Truth is, he doesn't want to.  
All he feels is guilt when he thinks about how Jenna is probably asleep in that hotel room with no clue as to what's going on.  
But he's still in love with how Tyler's hands feel on his hips. How his lips feel connected to that spot just above his collarbone.   
Maybe it's ok. Maybe... this is ok.  
It's not enough, but it's ok.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WHY DID I MAKE TYLER SUCH AN ASSHOLE IN THIS??? I DONT EVEN REMEMBER WRITING THIS CHAPTER WHAT THE FUC K

"I love you."   
It slips out again, this time in the middle of it. In the heat of everything, Tyler slamming into him at a steady rhythm, Josh curling his fingers for a handhold against the wall.  
Tyler's rhythm stutters and he sighs as he continues, faster than before.   
Josh lets out a small moan of "ahh... 'm sorry..."  
"You love me?" Tyler asks, a slight harsh tone to his voice.  
"F-fuck, Tyler, yeah..."  
"Or are you just in love with this?" He asks, slamming straight into Josh's sweet spot and spiraling him closer to the edge, a jolt of pleasure racking his body.  
"T-Tyler..."  
"Tell me you love me." Tyler mutters, almost coldly, as he quickens his pace, focusing on that spot.  
Josh convulses with pleasure, his legs barely keeping him up as he clenches his hands into fists and starts thrusting back onto Tyler.  
"I l-love you."   
"Say it again."  
"Fuck, fuck, I love you-"  
"Fucking. Louder."  
"I love y- FUCK- I love you..."   
Josh cries out as Tyler finishes inside him and then Josh follows with a whimper.  
"That's nice. But I love Jenna." Tyler snaps, pulling out of Josh and leaving him with his hands against the wall, shaking and spent.  
"Then why have we done this practically every night since you two started dating last month?" Josh mumbles, voice wavering as he runs a hand through his hair and looks to Tyler.  
The resulting amused chuckle makes Josh's stomach sink because he knows the answer before it comes out.  
"Josh, I never did this because I loved you. We only started it because we wanted to get off, and that's how it still is. At least for me. So get over it."  
Josh feels sick, if he's being honest.   
He clenches his jaw and leans against the wall.  
"I don't want to do this anymore. It's not fair to her, and I just... I can't do it anymore."  
Tyler tugs his clothes on and walks up to Josh, patting him on the shoulder.  
"The way you were yelling my name earlier seems to disagree." he mutters.  
He walks out the door without another word, and for the first time in a month, Josh breaks down and collapses into sobs, sitting naked against the wall and trying to settle the twisting feeling in his gut.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey, Josh, since it's the last show of the tour, we're having an afterparty, you coming?"   
Josh looks up from disassembling his drums and sighs.  
"I'm good, Mark. But thanks."   
Mark shakes his head. "Alright, man. Lemme know if you wanna talk or anything, you've been kind of out of it lately."  
He sets a hand on Josh's shoulder and walks away.  
When Josh has his drums packed up, he goes out to the tour bus, the usual post-show happiness absent and replaced by the overwhelming desire to go back to the hotel and lay down.  
He turns to corner and finds Tyler and Jenna sitting on the couch, clinking glasses of champagne together and laughing.  
"Hey, Josh, you guys did great tonight!"  
Josh flashes a forced smile towards Jenna and sits down on the edge of the closest bed on the bus.  
"Josh, what's your problem, man?"  
Tyler's words make him freeze in the process of digging through his bags.  
He looks up, his face void of emotion, and shrugs, clenching his jaw and taking his phone out.  
"Because it seems like ever since me and Jenna started dating two years ago, you've been an absolute freaking kid about it. I can have a friend and a girlfriend, I don't have to give up all my time with her for you."  
Josh controls the anger rising in his throat and scrolls through Twitter.  
"Seems to me like you're jealous." Tyler snaps.  
"I'm walking to the hotel, screw this." He mutters, shoving his phone in his bag and leaving the bus.  
He doesn't care that he's practically blinded by tears as he starts his angry speed walk down the street.  
It's cold. He left his jacket on the bus.  
With an angry shiver, he tugs the sleeves on his shirt down and holds his arms close to the seemingly hollow space left in in his chest.  
The rain starts when he's halfway there, and he loses it.  
He stops, walks into the closest cafe, locks himself in a stall in the bathroom, and cries.  
He wants to ignore it when his phone buzzes and he gets a text, but he picks it up anyways.  
"meet me at our hotel room when you get there. -tyguy"  
Josh is debating between "it's my hotel room, not ours" and "leave me alone" as suitable replies when another text comes in.  
"Jenna isn't here -tyguy"  
He hates Tyler.  
He can't do this again. They've done it nearly every night for a year now, and he's dating her, for christ's sake.  
And yet, he finds himself walking the rest of the way to the hotel in the rain with a stiff jaw and his teeth chattering.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok so I mentioned this in the beginning but just to be cautious I'm gonna give a quick warning abt this chapter: they don't actually do anything, but Tyler intends to, and when josh tells him to stop he doesn't listen at first, so if that bothers you then this might not be for you. let me know in the comments if you don't want to read it for personal reasons but you still wanna know what happens and I'll reply with a better summary, I just don't want to spoil it up here.

When he gets there, he walks into his hotel room without a second thought, trudging in slowly, dripping wet from the rain and shivering.  
"W-why are we doing this?" He mumbles.  
Tyler looks up from where he sits on the bed.  
"Y-you're dating h-her. Why do we always d-do this?" He shivers, close to tears again.  
Tyler walks up to him with a smile and places his fingers under Josh's chin, tilting his head up to face him.  
"Because we both like it. And she doesn't have to know." he states simply, just like he always does, leaning in to kiss Josh.  
Josh pulls away, slamming his soaked bag onto the floor.  
"You're an asshole, Tyler. Why do you do this to me? To her? Fuck, to yourself?"  
Tyler's mouth parts slightly, he's going to say something, but Josh cuts him off.  
"I'm not doing this anymore. You're ridiculous."  
"I love her." He insists.  
"No you don't. Or else you wouldn't be coming back to me pretty much every night of the week-"  
"She's waiting til marriage, I gotta get it somewhere..." He chuckles, a nervous edge creeping into his voice.  
Josh scoffs, tears forming in his eyes.  
"Is that all I am to you?" He asks, voice cracking.  
Tyler scrambles for a good answer, hands trembling.  
"I'm just a good fuck, huh? Alright. Well, since I'm basically nothing, let's just make it official. I'm nothing to you anymore."  
"JOSH."   
Josh realizes he has his eyes trained on his own feet and he looks up again.  
"You can't tell me you don't like this." Tyler whispers, slipping his hands under the hem of Josh's soaked sweater and sliding it upward.  
Josh shudders. "I hate it. I hate you." He slaps Tyler's hand away, but then it's back, moving faster.  
"Stop it! You're a dick, get off of me-"  
Josh stops midsentence, the words dropping the second Tyler is tugging josh's sweater over his head and tossing it to the floor, slamming him against the opposite wall and attaching his lips to Josh's neck.  
"Get the fuck off of me."  
"You love it, stop lying to yourself and go with it." Tyler whispers.  
Josh doesn't want to admit he's right. Because in a way, he is. But Josh doesn't want to love it right now, he wants to leave. He wants to go to his hotel room down the hall and cry.  
But he's here, and Tyler is undressing and Josh can't move.   
His throat catches as he unbuttons his pants and tugs them down, and then Tyler is back on him.  
"J-Jenna..." Josh manages, Tyler shoving his knee between Josh's legs and pressing, the friction eliciting a small moan from him.  
"She doesn't have to know. She hasn't figured it out yet, she never will."  
"No, Tyler, g-get off- FUCK- get off of me, this isn't right..." Josh mumbles, panting as Tyler runs his hands down Josh's body.  
Tyler grins as he watches Josh unravel, and he sneaks his hands lower.  
"TYLER!! Please, just listen to me, you aren't listening, I don't want to do this!! This is me saying no, now get off of me, ok?"   
Josh ignores the fact that he'd give anything to have Tyler fuck him against that wall then and there, focusing instead on how fucked up this is and how much he hates Tyler and how fucked up he knows his emotions are going to be if he goes through with this so much as one more time.  
He doesn't want to go through with it ever again.  
Tyler halts in his tracks and lets go, keeping his eyes locked with Josh's as he takes a step back.  
"We. Can't. Do. This." Josh states clearly, trying to find his way through Tyler's obviously blinding lust.  
He starts pulling his clothes back on and angrily turns away from Tyler.  
"I'm sorry." He finally hears Tyler mumble.  
The words send a rush of something through his body. Adrenaline? Shock?   
No. It's anger.  
"No you're not. You've had no problem doing this every goddamn night before now, even though you're dating her, and you had no right to turn around and ask me what MY problem is on that bus."  
Tyler tries to form a reply, but it's lost, and he runs a hand through his hair.  
"Do me a favor, ok? Just leave me alone. I don't want to be near you anymore."  
Josh picks up his bag, shouldering it and standing in front of the door, not caring that Tyler has the saddest look on his face. It's pathetic.  
"I'll play shows with you. I'll play the part of your best friend. Just don't fucking come near me off of that stage. Because if I'm nothing but a good fuck to you, then I guess you're nothing but an asshole to me."  
He sighs, unlocking the door.  
"I'm so done with this. We've been doing this for two years, and I'm still nothing. And I can't believe it's taken me this long to realize it, but now I do, and I don't think any of this is going to work anymore, so congratulations. Hope it was fun for you while it lasted, because all it did was fuck with my head. I'll see you when we rehearse tomorrow."  
And with that, he slams the door behind him and walks to his room.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is absolute shit and it's a filler to carry the story to the next chapter and it's stupid but I'm posting two chapters tonight to make up for it so like if you're seeing this right after I post it just wait like 5-10 mins and I'll have another one up lmao sorry

Josh grimaces down at the text from Mark.   
"New tour dates-" with a link.  
More shows for a new tour with someone he hasn't properly spoken to in forever.  
Rehearsals are awkward and strictly professional, although Josh thinks one of these days he's gonna break down and cry if he keeps thinking about how it felt to connect with him through a song before everything went downhill.  
It wasn't performing anymore. It was executing. Delivering.  
Listing the lines and playing the songs, songs that no longer held the same emotion.  
The only thing keeping the band together was making sure Jenna never found out.  
Josh replied with a thumbs up, hoping that helped feign some excitement on his part.  
The fans were starting to suspect something was wrong, sharing their crazy conspiracies on the Internet. The strangest Josh had seen so far was that he was in a relationship with Jenna's mom, which made things awkward. He'd replied with a passive aggressive "yep, you got me!" and left it at that.   
He checks the link from Mark and almost drops his phone when he sees the first date is tonight.   
Tonight?  
He calls mark right away.  
"Josh?"  
"Mark, why didn't you tell me there's a show tonight until, well, tonight?"  
"I sent them to Tyler a week ago, I thought he'd sent them to you but I wanted to make sure you had a copy, I thought he'd told you-"  
"Oh yeah, sorry, I'm... tired." Josh lied, hanging up.  
A show. Tonight.  
He grabbed his ski mask out of his suitcase and left before he could talk himself out of it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> quick fyi: I absolutely adore Jenna, she's amazing and she makes Tyler so happy and like ???? how did Tyler get so lucky jesus christ she's a goddess!! so don't think I dislike Jenna at all ok I'm just joshler trash and that means we gotta get Jenna in the way for drama and shit ok sorry I'll shut up here you go

Standing by Tyler offstage as everything is being set up makes him want to leave.  
Tyler has a smile on his face like nothing's wrong, humming his own song and tapping his foot softly to the beat.  
The crowd is cheering wildly, and Josh frowns when the adrenaline rush he usually gets neglects to show up. 5 minutes.  
He spends it on Twitter rather than talking to Tyler.  
The show goes nicely. It's flowing smoothly, he's pleased with how well the show is going despite the tension between them.  
Tyler's doing his stupid song for Jenna, tear in my heart, and Josh is trying not to be bitter when he glances over and sees Jenna offstage watching with a smile.  
Tyler finishes the song, and Josh is ready to start the next one, but tyler clears his throat and grabs the microphone, walking to the middle of the stage.  
"You guys all know that song is for the girl I love, my beautiful girlfriend Jenna." He announces, looking to her with a smile and causing the audience to erupt with cheers.  
Josh looks down at his lap and chews at the corner of his mouth.  
"Jenna, can you come on out here for a second? Just a second, I wanna show you off."  
Jenna blushes and hesitantly walks up to Tyler, waving lightly to the crowd.  
"So, Jenna, I have something to say."  
Josh looks up, sighing, ready for a dumb speech about how much he loves her, how much she means to him.  
"Jenna, we've been together for 2 years now. I've never been one to write songs about love, but I write what I feel, and you made me feel that."  
Josh rolls his eyes subtly, looking down again.  
"So, Jenna..."  
The crowd screams.  
Josh snaps his head up and wishes he hadn't.  
Tyler's on one knee, a small black box in his hand, Jenna has her hands over her mouth, and the entire crowd has gone nuts.  
Josh feels sick when the words "Will you marry me?" spill out of his mouth in a chuckle into the microphone, and he opens the box.  
Josh finds a small hope inside him screaming that she could say no, but he kills it quickly because the smile on Jenna's face matched how josh knows he'd feel if Tyler were to ask him right now.  
When the "YES!!" leaves her mouth, the crowd's cheers fade. Josh's world is spinning.  
It feels like there's no ground supporting him as he slowly stands and walks backstage, then offstage, then to the tour bus.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LMAO I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO UPDATE IVE BEEN STRESSED ABT SCHOOL AND IT JUST SLIPPED MY MIND IM SORRY OMG HERES AN UPDATE

"JOSH, THAT WAS CHILDISH, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT RUMORS ARE GOING AROUND RIGHT NOW??" Tyler screams at him.  
Josh had refused to come out of the tour bus after his storm offstage, and now he was here, in his hotel room, Tyler pacing the room and absolutely fuming at Josh.  
"Rumors that I love you?" Josh clenches his jaw, checking his texts rather than looking at Tyler.  
"Josh, you're ruining everything, we ended it all, just like you wanted, and now this?"  
Josh slams his phone down, staring at the white hotel sheets. "I didn't want to end it, i wanted to end the fact that I was confused and tired of being the second best. And you can't expect me not to be hurt by that."  
Tyler groans in frustration.  
"Josh, I miss you."   
Josh looks up at him, a peculiar look in his eyes.  
"I... I miss you. Not just the sex, I mean, I miss that. But I miss hanging out with you. Being your friend."  
Josh rolls his eyes. "You should have thought that through before you fucked it up. Stop blaming this on me. Stop trying to guilt trip me with your stupid half-assed attempts at sorry."  
"I love you, Josh."  
Josh stares at Tyler for what feels like years before Tyler finally cracks.  
He's crying.  
"I love you, and I'm scared as hell of what that means. So I have to go through with this. I have to marry Jenna and go my whole life pretending I love her because it's safe, it's accepted. You and I? So many people would leave me. My parents. My friends from church, my college friends..."  
Tyler's fingers are trembling as he slides them through his hair.  
"I love you and I love your smile and your hair and how you walk and, just, everything about you. But I'm terrified of loving you. So there."  
Josh is quiet. He isn't quite sure what to say.   
He clenches his jaw and stares at the floor.  
"Please say something, I'm-"  
Josh cuts him off midsentence and asks, "So... You're just gonna marry her and lie to yourself for the rest of your life?"  
Tyler's tear streaked face twists as the internal war begins. He slumps his shoulders and sits down on the bed next to Josh.  
"I have to. I'm sor-"  
"If you were sorry, this wouldn't be an argument, it would be easy to decide."  
"Josh, I don't know what to-"  
Josh leans in and kisses his cheek gently, making Tyler stop and relax.  
"You should go. Jenna is probably waiting."  
Tyler nods sadly and stands, wiping his hand across his face to get rid of tears.  
"Sorry about the show. I'll try to stop the rumors." Josh mumbles, laying down and waiting for Tyler to leave.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part of me wants to post two updates but the other part of me says "you have nothing written ahead after that what are you gonna do"

"Is Josh ok?" Jenna asks hesitantly as Tyler walks back.  
"Yeah. We had chipotle earlier, guess he got a bad burrito or something, he's throwing up all over the place." Tyler shrugged.  
"Oh. That sucks." Jenna winces sympathetically, patting the bed beside her so Tyler can lay down.  
She smiles, admiring the ring.   
"This is so beautiful, I'm so excited, Tyler!" She says, laying on his chest.  
Tyler grins. "Me too." He lies, running a hand through her hair gently.  
Say it. Say it, Tyler.  
He's chanting in his head, do it, do it, just take it back while you're ahead...  
"So, for the wedding, I was thinking we could have it after this tour, in a few months. Just a small ceremony, invite your family..."  
Tyler zones out and stares at the ceiling while she talks about her plans.  
He feels bad for making her feel like he loves her.  
But he feels worse for what he's done to Josh.  
Guilt. It makes him feel sick. He's always tried to do what he did with no regrets, but for once, it's all crashing down.  
"Tyler?"  
"Yeah, yeah, that sounds amazing..." He offers.  
"What's wrong? Was it the pink, I knew it was the pink-"  
"No, you're fine, I'm just... Really tired. Not used to performing after the break I guess."  
"Oh. Well get some sleep, honey."  
Honey. The name sounds stupid to Tyler.   
He remembers one time when josh called him baby during sex. He liked that a lot more.  
"Alright. Love you."   
"Love you too." Jenna smiles, looking up at him and pressing a kiss to his cheek, right where Josh had earlier.  
It doesn't feel right when she lays back down on his chest.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I keep forgetting to update this cijfjsjdi ok so I don't remember if I mentioned this but the title is from prey by the neighbourhood which is a rly good song btw just saying

They're halfway through the tour the first time Tyler tries again.  
It's 2 am, Josh is dozing off, and he gets a knock on his door.  
Tyler is standing there with an anxious look on his face, mouth twisted in worry.  
"What's wrong?"  
"Can we talk?"  
Josh lets him in and closes the door carefully.  
"I need you. Please." Tyler blurts immediately.  
Josh has the urge to throw himself into Tyler's arms.  
It would be so easy, wouldn't it?  
After all, it was a deep seated instinct at this point.  
But he forced himself not to.  
"You're getting married in, like, a month."  
"That didn't stop us before, please, Josh-"  
"You say you love me and then you're turning around to use me again." Josh points out, the desire to just give up leaving him as a bold confidence and maturity takes its place.  
"I like being close to you. I love it, Josh. I don't wanna fuck, i don't care, I just wanna lay down in the same bed as you, I want to, to have my arms around you, I just-"  
"Tyler. Calm down."  
"Can we just... Like... Sleep? I don't want to have sex. I just want to... Be near you." He mutters quietly.  
Josh debates the situation for a moment.  
Jenna would find them in the morning.  
He supposes that if he says they just talked for a while and Tyler fell asleep it wouldn't be a big deal...  
He sighs. "This isn't a good idea."  
"I know. It's the worst."  
"You're keeping all your clothes on, got it?"  
"Okay, okay, I will, I swear."  
Before he knows it, the lights are out and he's laying with Tyler's arms around his middle, feeling the gentle rise and fall of his chest against his back.  
It's comforting. He closes his eyes and drifts off to sleep within minutes.  
Tyler places his forehead on the back of Josh's neck and sighs lightly.  
"Do you still love me?" he asks, a whisper against Josh's skin.  
The slowed breathing and lack of response makes Tyler's heart sink.  
He presses a small kiss to Josh's neck and tries to fall asleep despite his racing heart and the butterflies in his stomach that remind him: this is love.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT THE FUCK IS UP FOLKS im pretty sure no one on here has even seen this fic before and the ones who have probably don't remember this but i missed it and here's a new chapter i'm sorry it's been like a year and a half

tyler wakes up in josh's bed for the first time in what feels like an eternity, and yawns.  
josh isn't there.  
"mmm, josh?" tyler groans, blinking away the good night of sleep and rolling out of the bed.  
he finds a text on his phone from josh, that simply reads, "went out. see u in a bit."   
tyler shrugs it off. he wishes he'd woken up before josh. he's almost forgotten what its like to wake up next to josh and count the freckles across his forehead and watch the corners of his mouth twitch while he sleeps-  
tyler shakes himself out of his thoughts and walks back to his room, quietly opening the door.   
jenna's awake, walking through the hotel room and cleaning up her things absentmindedly.  
"hey, j." tyler smiles, walking inside and gently shutting the door behind him.  
jenna turns around with a smile and pecks a kiss on his cheek.  
"did you sleep well?" she asks, turning back to the small sink and washing some dishes they'd used.  
"yeah, sorry, i didn't mean to leave you alone, i fell asleep talking with josh."   
jenna visibly tensed, sending a jolt of adrenaline through his system.  
"what?"   
tyler repeats himself. "i fell asleep talking with josh. yknow, band stuff."  
jenna turns around for a moment and sighs before going back to the dishes.  
"what is it, babe?" tyler asks, pulling the most forced stud voice he came despite, well, being tyler.   
"i just... i thought you two were fighting? i mean, not even a week ago you called him a little bitch to his face, and now you two are falling asleep talking?" jenna questions, almost bewildered.  
tyler stands up from the edge of the bed and walks behind her, sliding his hands around her waist and burying his face in the back of her neck.  
"i don't know what's going on, honestly. but we're getting along now, and we're putting it behind us. that's what matters, right?" tyler manages, his heart racing.  
jenna smiles and dries her hands, turning around and kissing him lightly before walking past him to the bed to make it.  
"you're right. i don't know why i was weirded out, it's nice you two are okay again. that's all anybody wanted. won't be so awkward, huh?" she laughs.  
tyler nods, trying not to show any signs that he was violently uncomfortable.  
'how have i managed this long?,' he thought to himself, starting to panic.  
"here, go grab your stuff from the other room so we can clean up a bit. we leave tomorrow, anyways, right?" jenna asks.  
"yeah. i love you. thank you." tyler mutters.  
"love you too." jenna replies.  
tyler's halfway out the door before jenna sighs.  
"are you sure? about you and josh, i mean."   
tyler fiddles with the doorknob for a moment before smiling and blowing a cheesy kiss, making jenna laugh. "it's okay. we're fine." he assures her, before closing the door and walking down the hall, wringing his hands together.  
"i have to call this off, i can't do this, i can't do this, i can't fucking-"   
"tyler?"  
mark stands across the hall, watching tyler pace and mumble to himself, holding a tray of coffee.  
tyler straightens up and laughs. "what's up mark? sorry, just tired."   
mark shakes his head. "no, tyler, something's up, do you need to talk?"   
tyler falters before shaking his head no.   
"don't worry about it."   
"is this about you and jo-"  
"NO. its not. no," tyler cuts him off frustratedly.  
mark sets the coffee down and places a hand on tyler's shoulder.  
"look, dude. i know things, yknow?"  
tyler nods slowly, not really knowing.  
"and i know something's up. you said you gotta 'call it off', what's 'it'? the tour?"   
tyler sighs. "no, mark, not the tour."   
mark's eyes go wide as realization kicks in.  
"is it the wedding?"  
tyler's throat tightens up before he can say anything.  
he can't keep this up, he thinks to himself. it's getting too hard, he can't-  
"no. ill be back, sorry." tyler finally manages, voice cracking as he hurries downstairs to the lobby.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is just getting Worse and Worse but i'm liking this insistent best friend mark i think ??

josh is sitting alone at a little coffee shop downtown when his phone rings.  
it's tyler, so naturally he answers immediately. a reaction he's accustomed to.  
"hey, tyler, what's up?" josh asks, setting his coffee down.  
"josh, i think mark knows, and jenna was asking, and i don't know what to do, im sitting in the lobby and im not-"  
"slow down, what do you mean mark knows?" josh asks, concern gripping his chest.  
"mark, um, i don't know, he was talking about how he like...? KNOWS things. things, i don't know what things are; what does that mean? and jenna was all weird about it today, like, the weddings in a month but it felt weird-"  
"tyler, is there any chance you're just projecting?"  
silence follows. josh feels himself smile lightly and he takes a sip of coffee while he waits for a response.  
"what's that supposed to mean?" tyler scoffs.  
"exactly what i said, that you're projecting what you're scared is happening, and it's making you think it's actually happening." josh elaborates.  
tyler sighs. "maybe. shut up."  
josh rolls his eyes. "still an asshole, huh. anything else you need, or...?" he retorts.  
he's still surprised that he's been calling tyler out on this shit. josh remembers when he would get too scared to even say something to contradict tyler because he didn't wanna lose him, but he'd already lost tyler despite everything, so he was more sure of what he said now.   
even thought he still never wanted to lose tyler.  
you will in a month, he reminded himself scathingly.  
"okay, whatever, can you come back though? im paranoid," tyler mumbles into the phone.  
"tyler, i-"  
"okay, sick. see you soon." he hangs up.  
josh resists the urge to call back just to say something snarky, instead choosing to finish his coffee and leave.

josh pulls up to the hotel and finds mark running toward him.  
"josh, what's going on with tyler?" he asks, out of breath and frantic.  
josh raises an eyebrow. "and what makes you think i know?" he asks, stepping out of the car.  
"you're his best fr- well, i don't know? josh, he said something about not wanting to go through with the wedding and when i asked if that's the problem he froze up and just stormed out. you talked with him last night, did he say anything?"   
josh looked at the ground and tried to form a reply, mark staring him down intently.  
"is it about you? because im not stupid, you know."   
josh's limbs felt numb when he finally looked up again.  
"what- uh... what do you mean?" josh managed.  
mark smirked knowingly.  
"i might work for you two, but im also you guys' best friend. you can't just expect me to stay oblivious when i've walked in on you in the same bed, ass nak-"  
"OKAY, okay mark, um. nothing's going on between us, despite what happened in the past," he stated plainly. "and tyler is marrying jenna. they love each other, that's all there is to it."   
mark laughed. "but you know, if it were that simple then you two wouldn't have had that whole falling out thing, right?"   
josh slammed his car door shut and groaned.   
"mark, i love you dude, but i don't even know what's going on anymore with tyler," he concluded. "it's all up to him at this point, how he feels. not me."   
apparently mark was satisfied with that, and he bumped fists with josh before walking back inside, leaving josh with a cold coffee and an even colder realization that he couldn't do anything about this.  
like he had said, it's all up to tyler.  
not him.


End file.
